"Remember to breathe..." -Ven. Hui Feng

Sorry if my last post was short and hasty, like I said I've been borrowing friends computers and have finally found one in the monastery to use. These past four days have been a little crazy. After the week of meditation I felt very sharp, alert and focused and really saw the changes in myself returning to normal life. I realized that I was constantly thinking discursive thoughts and/or had music stuck in my head and am now grateful for the peace of mind the meditation has given me. I am definitely planning on making mindfulness and meditation a part of my daily life when I get back home. We started the "Youth Seminar on Life and Chan" which is a seminar with 1200 kids around the world based on Buddhism. Going from silence and extreme discipline to this has been a very enlightening experience. First, it has given me the chance to practice keeping my calm mind as well as seeing how people act not having three weeks of mindfulness training. It's strange because I notice little things now like body language and nervous ticks that I know I was doing before but now that I have stopped those things they are very apparent in other people. Unfortunately I have had a bit of a relapse due to aversion to being around 1200 kids and Chinese Buddhist pop songs (worst of all now these are stuck in my head) as well as an overindulgence of processed foods, caffeine and sugar. Tonight I realized how far I slid back ways into old modes of thought and have vowed to move forward again. Although my peace of mind is gone I do not regret losing it as it has been an extreme lesson on what not to do. Also, because I felt the "Chan Mind" as it is called I know I can return to it with a little practice. In fact I can return at times but only for a moment as thoughts and emotions seem to rush back in. Tomorrow we start our tour of Taiwan and hopefully the change of scenery (along with not being with 1200 kids) and my new vow will help propel me back on the path to liberation. Until then I will remember to breathe, be mindful and open my heart to everything around me.