"Remember to breathe..." -Ven. Hui Feng
Sorry if my last post was short and hasty, like I said I've been borrowing friends computers and have finally found one in the monastery to use. These past four days have been a little crazy. After the week of meditation I felt very sharp, alert and focused and really saw the changes in myself returning to normal life. I realized that I was constantly thinking discursive thoughts and/or had music stuck in my head and am now grateful for the peace of mind the meditation has given me. I am definitely planning on making mindfulness and meditation a part of my daily life when I get back home. We started the "Youth Seminar on Life and Chan" which is a seminar with 1200 kids around the world based on Buddhism. Going from silence and extreme discipline to this has been a very enlightening experience. First, it has given me the chance to practice keeping my calm mind as well as seeing how people act not having three weeks of mindfulness training. It's strange because I notice little things now like body language and nervous ticks that I know I was doing before but now that I have stopped those things they are very apparent in other people. Unfortunately I have had a bit of a relapse due to aversion to being around 1200 kids and Chinese Buddhist pop songs (worst of all now these are stuck in my head) as well as an overindulgence of processed foods, caffeine and sugar. Tonight I realized how far I slid back ways into old modes of thought and have vowed to move forward again. Although my peace of mind is gone I do not regret losing it as it has been an extreme lesson on what not to do. Also, because I felt the "Chan Mind" as it is called I know I can return to it with a little practice. In fact I can return at times but only for a moment as thoughts and emotions seem to rush back in. Tomorrow we start our tour of Taiwan and hopefully the change of scenery (along with not being with 1200 kids) and my new vow will help propel me back on the path to liberation. Until then I will remember to breathe, be mindful and open my heart to everything around me.
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Daaayyuuuum. Feels good to communicate. This week was intense. At times I thought it was the hardest thing I've ever done but at others I thought it was the easiest. We basically did 4-5 hours of sitting meditation a day along with a lot of other meditation like activities including walking meditation and dharma talks. More realistically it was like 24 hours a day meditation as we were encouraged to meditate while eating, showering, using the bathroom, and even sleeping. It was an incredible experience and I feel like I have grown this week immensely. I had some deep realizations about my interpersonal relationships as well as some intense feelings of emptiness. This can also be described as ego-death or not having a self, or that I felt my body as one big happening rather than a series of feelings, pains, and emotions. I feel much stronger, smarter and able to control my mind and destiny. I would definitely recommend meditating to everyone and for anyone interested in meditation or being a psychonaut would recommend an intensive silent retreat. Just be ready because it is intense on the body and mind. We ended the retreat last night with a 3 steps 1 prostration pilgrimage. This was super intense and involved chanting, taking three steps then doing a prostration while walking up a fat hill. We probably did 400-500 prostrations in total but at the end felt awesome, empty and full of love. We were asked to thing "may there be peace in the world" during every prostration which definitely made me want to be a better person because everytime I said it it was harder for me to do bad things, if this makes sense. Tomorrow we start Life and Chan which is a youth seminar for Buddhism and has been described as "Southern Buddhist Revival" filled with singing and dancing. It's hard for me to put in words my experience this week but I would love to talk to you guys in person about my experiences if you are interested. Love you all!
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
"You don't have to achieve just strive to be better" -Ven. Hsin Bao
Many things have been happening this week. I can feel many changes in my body and mind, and though they are subtle they definitely have positive connotations. We have been keeping up with our academic and Dharmic talks as well as stepping up the meditation. We have had multiple sitting sessions lasting 30 minutes or so. Some of them have been consecutive with only a small break in between. Our classes have been on a variety of topics with one very interesting one about Buddhism (specifically meditation), psychology and neuroscience. Basically we learned meditation helps the brains neuro-plasticity or helps it relearn and adapt. We also learned the amhygdala, the part of the brain controlling fear responses is lessened which helps create less of a me vs you and more of a vision of oneness in the world. We also learned about Pure Land Buddhism. Pure Land at its face value seems a little silly but with a deeper understanding (or a more enlightened teaching) its something that may resonate with some of you deeply. The basis of Pure Land is that if you chant Amituofo (the name of the Buddha of Infinite Light/Life) you will be reborn in his pureland where everything (even the birds and wind) teach the Dharma. This (according to some of our teachers) was a way to attract less educatined folks to Buddhism in hope they would later gain a deeper understanding. On the flip side, if we take the pureland as something we can create with our mind we can say that reciting Amituofo (or spreading love, light and life) we can create the pureland around us, where everyone is a Bodhisattva and we do learn from all phenomenon. Very powerful stuff. This relates heavily to Chan buddhism in that Chan masters say there are lessons to learn all around us. We did an evening Pure Land chanting service in which we chanted Amituofo and were asked to picture a perfect world. I won't say what I imagined but I will say that I felt very light and surrounded by white light, which is apparently a very common thing. It was very similar to many visualizations and manifestation techniques that new age gurus tote in the west. Today we had a relaxing day to prepare for our 7 days of silent meditation retreat starting tomorrow. I am very excited for this and will not be able to post again until after. I have so much I would like to say but not enough time (wish I could have all you here with me) because we stay so busy and I have to borrow other peoples computers. I am learning so much and can't wait to come back and implement some of this in my life. Love you all! Amituofo and lets create the Pure Land around us!!
Many things have been happening this week. I can feel many changes in my body and mind, and though they are subtle they definitely have positive connotations. We have been keeping up with our academic and Dharmic talks as well as stepping up the meditation. We have had multiple sitting sessions lasting 30 minutes or so. Some of them have been consecutive with only a small break in between. Our classes have been on a variety of topics with one very interesting one about Buddhism (specifically meditation), psychology and neuroscience. Basically we learned meditation helps the brains neuro-plasticity or helps it relearn and adapt. We also learned the amhygdala, the part of the brain controlling fear responses is lessened which helps create less of a me vs you and more of a vision of oneness in the world. We also learned about Pure Land Buddhism. Pure Land at its face value seems a little silly but with a deeper understanding (or a more enlightened teaching) its something that may resonate with some of you deeply. The basis of Pure Land is that if you chant Amituofo (the name of the Buddha of Infinite Light/Life) you will be reborn in his pureland where everything (even the birds and wind) teach the Dharma. This (according to some of our teachers) was a way to attract less educatined folks to Buddhism in hope they would later gain a deeper understanding. On the flip side, if we take the pureland as something we can create with our mind we can say that reciting Amituofo (or spreading love, light and life) we can create the pureland around us, where everyone is a Bodhisattva and we do learn from all phenomenon. Very powerful stuff. This relates heavily to Chan buddhism in that Chan masters say there are lessons to learn all around us. We did an evening Pure Land chanting service in which we chanted Amituofo and were asked to picture a perfect world. I won't say what I imagined but I will say that I felt very light and surrounded by white light, which is apparently a very common thing. It was very similar to many visualizations and manifestation techniques that new age gurus tote in the west. Today we had a relaxing day to prepare for our 7 days of silent meditation retreat starting tomorrow. I am very excited for this and will not be able to post again until after. I have so much I would like to say but not enough time (wish I could have all you here with me) because we stay so busy and I have to borrow other peoples computers. I am learning so much and can't wait to come back and implement some of this in my life. Love you all! Amituofo and lets create the Pure Land around us!!
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
"In life we learn that saltiness has its own taste, that bitterness has its own taste..." Ven. Hsin Pao
Woohooo! The internet finally worked. Because the monastery is hosting a youth camp, our retreat, and other retreats (I am not sure how many but lately the place has been packed) the internet has been painfully slow lately. Luckily, the Buddha of infinite internet has blessed me to be able to make this post. The past few days (how many days has it been since we spoke? I've lost count) have been more of the same. Wake up at 5:30, meditate, breakfast, chores, classes, lunch, walking meditation, more meditation/classes, more chores, dinner, Dharma talks, then evening chanting before gratefully laying down in bed. Although for us its been much of the same, there have been big occurrences happening here at Fo Guang Shan. Three or four days ago (literally out of nowhere) the quiet monastery turned into a bit of a parade welcoming in Venerable Master Hsin Yun (founder of Fo Guang Shan and one of the leading faces for Humanistic/Chinese Buddhism) as well as a government official from China. They came here to apparently have "peace talks" or more specifically for the Venerable Master to spread some Buddhist wisdom for the official to take back to China. This is a very powerful thing as China has drifted very far from Buddhist ideas and has had a rocky relationship with Taiwan. This was really cool for us because we were blessed to have the Venerable Master speak to us. This was a very enlightening experience and the Venerable Master endowed much wisdom on us. For one, he sounded and spoke like Yoda (I was hoping he'd be more like Gandalf, lol) and had a gentleness to him not often found. He is 87 years old and as such has become frail in the body but very strong in the mind. I got to ask him a question (blush) and though he didn't give me an answer to the question I asked he gave me an answer that actually pertained to my situation much more. It reminded me of stories of the Buddha, who could read his disciples minds and taught specifically to them. Most of what he spoke about was very simple yet profound ideas. Much of what he said also consisted of stories and suttras from Buddhist canon. One of the more memorable moments is when he told a story of a Chan master and his disciple trying to debase themselves more then the other to win a bet. In the story the master begins and says, "I am a donkey," the disciple responds, "I am a donkey's ass." Laughter ensued from me and my peers. The master thought how can I make myself lower then a donkey's ass so he says, "I am the poop in the donkey's ass." Next the disciple says, "I am the maggot in the poop in the donkey's ass." "What are you doing?" asked the Master. The disciple responded, "just chilling out." The moral of the story is if with a Chan mind you can just "chill out" in a pile of poop you can be content anywhere. Venerable Master Hsin Yun also told us enlightenment has levels or stages and hinted that these levels can consist of just finding your calling and being happy with you actions. Very powerful stuff.
Some things I have noticed at the monastery as being very different of very enlightening have included the intention and mindfulness that goes into every action here, the monastic way of eating, and the monastic work ethic, with much overlap between the three. Although I don't think I can ever fully explain the mindfulness we are expected to have (let alone the mindfulness the monastics and others here have) I will try my best and hopefully inspire some to adopt some of these practices. One of the most simple ways we are expected to have mindfulness is by lining up. We are split into three groups and those groups are split between male and female. In our groups we are expected to line up (usually 10-15 minutes before events) in straight lines both vertically and horizontally, or in other words straight with the person ahead and behind us and to both sides. Though this seems mundane and easy (which it is) it is a constant reminder to be focused on every action of the body which bubbles over to being focused on every action of the mind. We are then required to walk, keeping these lines in perfect harmony (which seldom happens) while being silent and mindful of the noises we make with each step. This is just one of the many ways we are constantly reminded to watch ourselves. This definitely pertains heavily to the monastic way of eating. Besides the chopsticks, vegetarian meals and the MASS quantities of processed soy (which I will happily never eat again once back in the States) the eating is done in full silence. More importantly, the meal is thought of as a form of meditation which to me has been one of the most powerful concepts. Now I don't think we all need to think of food only as a way to sustain ourselves to further our spiritual practice but I do think that we can learn something from this. We are told to not get attached to any one taste, whether good or bad but to only experience that taste in all its (for lack of a better word) tastefulness, which includes texture and the other senses as well. We are also expected to go over the 5 contemplation's while eating. These are 1) Weigh up the effort involved 2) Are you deserving of the food 3) Guard your mind against faults, green in particular 4) Good medicine is the best cure 5) You need food to further your spiritual practice. The first two are definitely something I would encourage all of you to think about next time you eat. For us, it is powerful because most (possibly all) of the food is donated to the monastery by farmers (looking to gain positive karma) and is cooked and served for us. They also give us the food because they have faith we are good people (and the world needs more good people) so it is a very strong reminder for myself to be that good person and not let those farmers, chefs and servers down. We are asked to think of all the effort from the planting of the seed, to the transportation, to the cooking and serving. And though most of you work for your money, go to the store and by the food, and cook and serve it yourself, there are still farmers who gave their life to feed you, even stars that burn and blow up to give us the necessary light and chemicals for life in the first place, so really question if you are worthy of these gifts and if you find yourself to not be, don't feel bad just find a way to change those flaws and live with yourself contentedly. We were also spoken to by the head chef here at Fo Guang Shan who illuminated us with how much work actually goes on in the kitchen here. He told us that one plate of mushrooms (which would be just one vegetable among many for one meal) could be 20-30 kilograms (around 50 pounds for us Americans). He really stressed the importance of intention and happiness in the kitchen so that the food would hold the resonance of that happiness. He talked about how cooking was a very powerful spiritual practice in that if you could cut a plate of 500 mushrooms, and have the same mindset when you started as when you finished, that was a taste of the Chan mind. It makes me think of my own cooking and the thought I often have of "ughh I don't want to cook dinner." This is ridiculous, one because I am in the minority of lucky people that have the ability of not only sustaining myself but doing it with highly delicious highly nutritious food and two because this thought takes away from my happiness in enjoying that meal. This brings me to my next point which is monastic work ethic. Basically, when we do chores the monastics often tell us to be happy so that when people see our work they will be happy. This may seem trivial or untrue to some but let me elucidate with a story from my life. Often I do dishes and am unhappy while doing them. This may seem normal but when I pick up those clean plates to eat off of, I am picking up something that has negative emotions even if it is just subconscious. So go play, have fun and love everything you do because everything you do is YOU. Today is my day off and I must give the computer back to Sam who needs to check his email now. On our much needed day off we will explore the compound (I will take many pictures) and play some basketball. Much love to you all and thanks for coming along for the journey! Amituofo!
Woohooo! The internet finally worked. Because the monastery is hosting a youth camp, our retreat, and other retreats (I am not sure how many but lately the place has been packed) the internet has been painfully slow lately. Luckily, the Buddha of infinite internet has blessed me to be able to make this post. The past few days (how many days has it been since we spoke? I've lost count) have been more of the same. Wake up at 5:30, meditate, breakfast, chores, classes, lunch, walking meditation, more meditation/classes, more chores, dinner, Dharma talks, then evening chanting before gratefully laying down in bed. Although for us its been much of the same, there have been big occurrences happening here at Fo Guang Shan. Three or four days ago (literally out of nowhere) the quiet monastery turned into a bit of a parade welcoming in Venerable Master Hsin Yun (founder of Fo Guang Shan and one of the leading faces for Humanistic/Chinese Buddhism) as well as a government official from China. They came here to apparently have "peace talks" or more specifically for the Venerable Master to spread some Buddhist wisdom for the official to take back to China. This is a very powerful thing as China has drifted very far from Buddhist ideas and has had a rocky relationship with Taiwan. This was really cool for us because we were blessed to have the Venerable Master speak to us. This was a very enlightening experience and the Venerable Master endowed much wisdom on us. For one, he sounded and spoke like Yoda (I was hoping he'd be more like Gandalf, lol) and had a gentleness to him not often found. He is 87 years old and as such has become frail in the body but very strong in the mind. I got to ask him a question (blush) and though he didn't give me an answer to the question I asked he gave me an answer that actually pertained to my situation much more. It reminded me of stories of the Buddha, who could read his disciples minds and taught specifically to them. Most of what he spoke about was very simple yet profound ideas. Much of what he said also consisted of stories and suttras from Buddhist canon. One of the more memorable moments is when he told a story of a Chan master and his disciple trying to debase themselves more then the other to win a bet. In the story the master begins and says, "I am a donkey," the disciple responds, "I am a donkey's ass." Laughter ensued from me and my peers. The master thought how can I make myself lower then a donkey's ass so he says, "I am the poop in the donkey's ass." Next the disciple says, "I am the maggot in the poop in the donkey's ass." "What are you doing?" asked the Master. The disciple responded, "just chilling out." The moral of the story is if with a Chan mind you can just "chill out" in a pile of poop you can be content anywhere. Venerable Master Hsin Yun also told us enlightenment has levels or stages and hinted that these levels can consist of just finding your calling and being happy with you actions. Very powerful stuff.
Some things I have noticed at the monastery as being very different of very enlightening have included the intention and mindfulness that goes into every action here, the monastic way of eating, and the monastic work ethic, with much overlap between the three. Although I don't think I can ever fully explain the mindfulness we are expected to have (let alone the mindfulness the monastics and others here have) I will try my best and hopefully inspire some to adopt some of these practices. One of the most simple ways we are expected to have mindfulness is by lining up. We are split into three groups and those groups are split between male and female. In our groups we are expected to line up (usually 10-15 minutes before events) in straight lines both vertically and horizontally, or in other words straight with the person ahead and behind us and to both sides. Though this seems mundane and easy (which it is) it is a constant reminder to be focused on every action of the body which bubbles over to being focused on every action of the mind. We are then required to walk, keeping these lines in perfect harmony (which seldom happens) while being silent and mindful of the noises we make with each step. This is just one of the many ways we are constantly reminded to watch ourselves. This definitely pertains heavily to the monastic way of eating. Besides the chopsticks, vegetarian meals and the MASS quantities of processed soy (which I will happily never eat again once back in the States) the eating is done in full silence. More importantly, the meal is thought of as a form of meditation which to me has been one of the most powerful concepts. Now I don't think we all need to think of food only as a way to sustain ourselves to further our spiritual practice but I do think that we can learn something from this. We are told to not get attached to any one taste, whether good or bad but to only experience that taste in all its (for lack of a better word) tastefulness, which includes texture and the other senses as well. We are also expected to go over the 5 contemplation's while eating. These are 1) Weigh up the effort involved 2) Are you deserving of the food 3) Guard your mind against faults, green in particular 4) Good medicine is the best cure 5) You need food to further your spiritual practice. The first two are definitely something I would encourage all of you to think about next time you eat. For us, it is powerful because most (possibly all) of the food is donated to the monastery by farmers (looking to gain positive karma) and is cooked and served for us. They also give us the food because they have faith we are good people (and the world needs more good people) so it is a very strong reminder for myself to be that good person and not let those farmers, chefs and servers down. We are asked to think of all the effort from the planting of the seed, to the transportation, to the cooking and serving. And though most of you work for your money, go to the store and by the food, and cook and serve it yourself, there are still farmers who gave their life to feed you, even stars that burn and blow up to give us the necessary light and chemicals for life in the first place, so really question if you are worthy of these gifts and if you find yourself to not be, don't feel bad just find a way to change those flaws and live with yourself contentedly. We were also spoken to by the head chef here at Fo Guang Shan who illuminated us with how much work actually goes on in the kitchen here. He told us that one plate of mushrooms (which would be just one vegetable among many for one meal) could be 20-30 kilograms (around 50 pounds for us Americans). He really stressed the importance of intention and happiness in the kitchen so that the food would hold the resonance of that happiness. He talked about how cooking was a very powerful spiritual practice in that if you could cut a plate of 500 mushrooms, and have the same mindset when you started as when you finished, that was a taste of the Chan mind. It makes me think of my own cooking and the thought I often have of "ughh I don't want to cook dinner." This is ridiculous, one because I am in the minority of lucky people that have the ability of not only sustaining myself but doing it with highly delicious highly nutritious food and two because this thought takes away from my happiness in enjoying that meal. This brings me to my next point which is monastic work ethic. Basically, when we do chores the monastics often tell us to be happy so that when people see our work they will be happy. This may seem trivial or untrue to some but let me elucidate with a story from my life. Often I do dishes and am unhappy while doing them. This may seem normal but when I pick up those clean plates to eat off of, I am picking up something that has negative emotions even if it is just subconscious. So go play, have fun and love everything you do because everything you do is YOU. Today is my day off and I must give the computer back to Sam who needs to check his email now. On our much needed day off we will explore the compound (I will take many pictures) and play some basketball. Much love to you all and thanks for coming along for the journey! Amituofo!
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