"Remember to breathe..." -Ven. Hui Feng

Sorry if my last post was short and hasty, like I said I've been borrowing friends computers and have finally found one in the monastery to use. These past four days have been a little crazy. After the week of meditation I felt very sharp, alert and focused and really saw the changes in myself returning to normal life. I realized that I was constantly thinking discursive thoughts and/or had music stuck in my head and am now grateful for the peace of mind the meditation has given me. I am definitely planning on making mindfulness and meditation a part of my daily life when I get back home. We started the "Youth Seminar on Life and Chan" which is a seminar with 1200 kids around the world based on Buddhism. Going from silence and extreme discipline to this has been a very enlightening experience. First, it has given me the chance to practice keeping my calm mind as well as seeing how people act not having three weeks of mindfulness training. It's strange because I notice little things now like body language and nervous ticks that I know I was doing before but now that I have stopped those things they are very apparent in other people. Unfortunately I have had a bit of a relapse due to aversion to being around 1200 kids and Chinese Buddhist pop songs (worst of all now these are stuck in my head) as well as an overindulgence of processed foods, caffeine and sugar. Tonight I realized how far I slid back ways into old modes of thought and have vowed to move forward again. Although my peace of mind is gone I do not regret losing it as it has been an extreme lesson on what not to do. Also, because I felt the "Chan Mind" as it is called I know I can return to it with a little practice. In fact I can return at times but only for a moment as thoughts and emotions seem to rush back in. Tomorrow we start our tour of Taiwan and hopefully the change of scenery (along with not being with 1200 kids) and my new vow will help propel me back on the path to liberation. Until then I will remember to breathe, be mindful and open my heart to everything around me.

Daaayyuuuum. Feels good to communicate. This week was intense. At times I thought it was the hardest thing I've ever done but at others I thought it was the easiest. We basically did 4-5 hours of sitting meditation a day along with a lot of other meditation like activities including walking meditation and dharma talks. More realistically it was like 24 hours a day meditation as we were encouraged to meditate while eating, showering, using the bathroom, and even sleeping. It was an incredible experience and I feel like I have grown this week immensely. I had some deep realizations about my interpersonal relationships as well as some intense feelings of emptiness. This can also be described as ego-death or not having a self, or that I felt my body as one big happening rather than a series of feelings, pains, and emotions. I feel much stronger, smarter and able to control my mind and destiny. I would definitely recommend meditating to everyone and for anyone interested in meditation or being a psychonaut would recommend an intensive silent retreat. Just be ready because it is intense on the body and mind. We ended the retreat last night with a 3 steps 1 prostration pilgrimage. This was super intense and involved chanting, taking three steps then doing a prostration while walking up a fat hill. We probably did 400-500 prostrations in total but at the end felt awesome, empty and full of love. We were asked to thing "may there be peace in the world" during every prostration which definitely made me want to be a better person because everytime I said it it was harder for me to do bad things, if this makes sense. Tomorrow we start Life and Chan which is a youth seminar for Buddhism and has been described as "Southern Buddhist Revival" filled with singing and dancing. It's hard for me to put in words my experience this week but I would love to talk to you guys in person about my experiences if you are interested. Love you all!

"You don't have to achieve just strive to be better" -Ven. Hsin Bao

Many things have been happening this week. I can feel many changes in my body and mind, and though they are subtle they definitely have positive connotations. We have been keeping up with our academic and Dharmic talks as well as stepping up the meditation. We have had multiple sitting sessions lasting 30 minutes or so. Some of them have been consecutive with only a small break in between. Our classes have been on a variety of topics with one very interesting one about Buddhism (specifically meditation), psychology and neuroscience. Basically we learned meditation helps the brains neuro-plasticity or helps it relearn and adapt. We also learned the amhygdala, the part of the brain controlling fear responses is lessened which helps create less of a me vs you and more of a vision of oneness in the world. We also learned about Pure Land Buddhism. Pure Land at its face value seems a little silly but with a deeper understanding (or a more enlightened teaching) its something that may resonate with some of you deeply. The basis of Pure Land is that if you chant Amituofo (the name of the Buddha of Infinite Light/Life) you will be reborn in his pureland where everything (even the birds and wind) teach the Dharma. This (according to some of our teachers) was a way to attract less educatined folks to Buddhism in hope they would later gain a deeper understanding. On the flip side, if we take the pureland as something we can create with our mind we can say that reciting Amituofo (or spreading love, light and life) we can create the pureland around us, where everyone is a Bodhisattva and we do learn from all phenomenon. Very powerful stuff. This relates heavily to Chan buddhism in that Chan masters say there are lessons to learn all around us. We did an evening Pure Land chanting service in which we chanted Amituofo and were asked to picture a perfect world. I won't say what I imagined but I will say that I felt very light and surrounded by white light, which is apparently a very common thing. It was very similar to many visualizations and manifestation techniques that new age gurus tote in the west. Today we had a relaxing day to prepare for our 7 days of silent meditation retreat starting tomorrow. I am very excited for this and will not be able to post again until after. I have so much I would like to say but not enough time (wish I could have all you here with me) because we stay so busy and I have to borrow other peoples computers. I am learning so much and can't wait to come back and implement some of this in my life. Love you all! Amituofo and lets create the Pure Land around us!!

"In life we learn that saltiness has its own taste, that bitterness has its own taste..." Ven. Hsin Pao

Woohooo! The internet finally worked. Because the monastery is hosting a youth camp, our retreat, and other retreats (I am not sure how many but lately the place has been packed) the internet has been painfully slow lately. Luckily, the Buddha of infinite internet has blessed me to be able to make this post. The past few days (how many days has it been since we spoke? I've lost count) have been more of the same. Wake up at 5:30, meditate, breakfast, chores, classes, lunch, walking meditation, more meditation/classes, more chores, dinner, Dharma talks, then evening chanting before gratefully laying down in bed. Although for us its been much of the same, there have been big occurrences happening here at Fo Guang Shan. Three or four days ago (literally out of nowhere) the quiet monastery turned into a bit of a parade welcoming in Venerable Master Hsin Yun (founder of Fo Guang Shan and one of the leading faces for Humanistic/Chinese Buddhism) as well as a government official from China. They came here to apparently have "peace talks" or more specifically for the Venerable Master to spread some Buddhist wisdom for the official to take back to China. This is a very powerful thing as China has drifted very far from Buddhist ideas and has had a rocky relationship with Taiwan. This was really cool for us because we were blessed to have the Venerable Master speak to us. This was a very enlightening experience and the Venerable Master endowed much wisdom on us. For one, he sounded and spoke like Yoda (I was hoping he'd be more like Gandalf, lol) and had a gentleness to him not often found. He is 87 years old and as such has become frail in the body but very strong in the mind. I got to ask him a question (blush) and though he didn't give me an answer to the question I asked he gave me an answer that actually pertained to my situation much more. It reminded me of stories of the Buddha, who could read his disciples minds and taught specifically to them. Most of what he spoke about was very simple yet profound ideas. Much of what he said also consisted of stories and suttras from Buddhist canon. One of the more memorable moments is when he told a story of a Chan master and his disciple trying to debase themselves more then the other to win a bet. In the story the master begins and says, "I am a donkey," the disciple responds, "I am a donkey's ass." Laughter ensued from me and my peers. The master thought how can I make myself lower then a donkey's ass so he says, "I am the poop in the donkey's ass." Next the disciple says, "I am the maggot in the poop in the donkey's ass." "What are you doing?" asked the Master. The disciple responded, "just chilling out." The moral of the story is if with a Chan mind you can just "chill out" in a pile of poop you can be content anywhere. Venerable Master Hsin Yun also told us enlightenment has levels or stages and hinted that these levels can consist of just finding your calling and being happy with you actions. Very powerful stuff.

Some things I have noticed at the monastery as being very different of very enlightening have included the intention and mindfulness that goes into every action here, the monastic way of eating, and the monastic work ethic, with much overlap between the three. Although I don't think I can ever fully explain the mindfulness we are expected to have (let alone the mindfulness the monastics and others here have) I will try my best and hopefully inspire some to adopt some of these practices. One of the most simple ways we are expected to have mindfulness is by lining up. We are split into three groups and those groups are split between male and female. In our groups we are expected to line up (usually 10-15 minutes before events) in straight lines both vertically and horizontally, or in other words straight with the person ahead and behind us and to both sides. Though this seems mundane and easy (which it is) it is a constant reminder to be focused on every action of the body which bubbles over to being focused on every action of the mind. We are then required to walk, keeping these lines in perfect harmony (which seldom happens) while being silent and mindful of the noises we make with each step. This is just one of the many ways we are constantly reminded to watch ourselves. This definitely pertains heavily to the monastic way of eating. Besides the chopsticks, vegetarian meals and the MASS quantities of processed soy (which I will happily never eat again once back in the States) the eating is done in full silence. More importantly, the meal is thought of as a form of meditation which to me has been one of the most powerful concepts. Now I don't think we all need to think of food only as a way to sustain ourselves to further our spiritual practice but I do think that we can learn something from this. We are told to not get attached to any one taste, whether good or bad but to only experience that taste in all its (for lack of a better word) tastefulness, which includes texture and the other senses as well. We are also expected to go over the 5 contemplation's while eating. These are 1) Weigh up the effort involved 2) Are you deserving of the food 3) Guard your mind against faults, green in particular 4) Good medicine is the best cure 5) You need food to further your spiritual practice. The first two are definitely something I would encourage all of you to think about next time you eat. For us, it is powerful because most (possibly all) of the food is donated to the monastery by farmers (looking to gain positive karma) and is cooked and served for us. They also give us the food because they have faith we are good people (and the world needs more good people) so it is a very strong reminder for myself to be that good person and not let those farmers, chefs and servers down. We are asked to think of all the effort from the planting of the seed, to the transportation, to the cooking and serving. And though most of you work for your money, go to the store and by the food, and cook and serve it yourself, there are still farmers who gave their life to feed you, even stars that burn and blow up to give us the necessary light and chemicals for life in the first place, so really question if you are worthy of these gifts and if you find yourself to not be, don't feel bad just find a way to change those flaws and live with yourself contentedly. We were also spoken to by the head chef here at Fo Guang Shan who illuminated us with how much work actually goes on in the kitchen here. He told us that one plate of mushrooms (which would be just one vegetable among many for one meal) could be 20-30 kilograms (around 50 pounds for us Americans). He really stressed the importance of intention and happiness in the kitchen so that the food would hold the resonance of that happiness. He talked about how cooking was a very powerful spiritual practice in that if you could cut a plate of 500 mushrooms, and have the same mindset when you started as when you finished, that was a taste of the Chan mind. It makes me think of my own cooking and the thought I often have of "ughh I don't want to cook dinner." This is ridiculous, one because I am in the minority of lucky people that have the ability of not only sustaining myself but doing it with highly delicious highly nutritious food and two because this thought takes away from my happiness in enjoying that meal. This brings me to my next point which is monastic work ethic. Basically, when we do chores the monastics often tell us to be happy so that when people see our work they will be happy. This may seem trivial or untrue to some but let me elucidate with a story from my life. Often I do dishes and am unhappy while doing them. This may seem normal but when I pick up those clean plates to eat off of, I am picking up something that has negative emotions even if it is just subconscious. So go play, have fun and love everything you do because everything you do is YOU. Today is my day off and I must give the computer back to Sam who needs to check his email now. On our much needed day off we will explore the compound (I will take many pictures) and play some basketball. Much love to you all and thanks for coming along for the journey! Amituofo!

"Originally there is nothing..." Venerable Hsin Pao

After close to 30 hours of travel I have made it! Taiwan is a beautiful country, filled with lush greenery EVERYWHERE. I may just stay here until the Californian drought is over haha. Anyway, the experience is pretty much what I expected although the monastery is completely different then anything I could have imagined. It is HUGE. There is two of the most giant Buddha statues I have ever seen, as well as a shrine (the Main Shrine) housing nearly 10,000 images of the Buddha. It is also much more developed then I had pictured with many tourists and pilgrims around everyday. The Monks and Nuns are all very nice though quiet and I think they get a kick out of us kids trying our best to imitate them. I landed in Taipei near 6 a.m. and as soon as I stepped outside I was wet and sticky. Man the humidity here is tough but luckily much of the time spent at the monastery is inside in nicely air conditioned rooms. My first culture shock was walking into a 7/11. Man the smells! It was more like a street food market then a 7/11 with bubbling cauldrons of oil (and who knows what else) containing corn, meat, rice balls, fish, desserts and many other suspect (though delicious looking) objects. The high speed rail was cool after a nice girl helped me get into the station LOL. One of the trains was Adventure Time themed (it was a giant Jake the Dog) and another was Cartoon Network themed although I got the snicklefritz train which was plain. Riding the rail was awesome! I traveled from Taipei in the north to Kaohsiung in the south so got to see much of the island. I also sat by a nice Taiwanese guy living in California who taught me a lot about Taiwan and Taiwanese culture. Most of the island seems to be vegetable farms with cities dotting the landscape. There seemed to be a major lack of roads. I've met a lot of \people so far, and everyone in the program seems to be really nice and for the most part cool. Yesterday (first day of retreat) consisted mostly of orientation and the rules for both the program and monastic etiquette. We did do some walking meditation as well as chanting which was a great experience and made me feel really, really good. Can't wait until we start some serious meditation. We were also blessed have an opening ceremony conducted by the Abbot of the monastery Venerable Hsin Pao. First time I have met someone who I could feel their presence in the room. What an experience! We learned how to eat in the monastic way which is actually pretty tough. It is conducted in complete silence other than chanting before and after the meal. The difficulty comes from communicating with the servers what you do or don't want. To make it easy I accept whatever they give me and don't ask for seconds. The food is good though all this white rice is starting to bog me down if you know what I mean. It is also tough because monastics are expected to eat everything which includes the leftover juices and tiny flecks of food which is pretty difficult to do with chopsticks while maintaining manners. The monastics also eat pretty fast so it is a little nerve wracking to try to keep up. I am enjoying each meal more and more now that I am getting the hang of things and learning how to eat with chopsticks. It is cool because they treat eating (in fact they treat everything) as meditation. It is much different then the way we eat in America. Today we started with a short sitting meditation at a beautiful spot of the monastery and then had classes mostly on the Buddha and his life. We will be following this format for about 12 more days but we do have a one day break which will be much needed. I am really looking forward to the 1 week silent meditation retreat. The schedule here is pretty strict and we don't get a lot of time to ourselves. In fact I am writing this in one of our few breaks that last longer then 15 minutes. Apparently they don't have computers for us to use, (like I was told) but luckily the homie and my room mate Sam is letting me use his computer. I wrote this in haste (though mindfully of course) so please forgive any mistakes or confusions. It is 11:53 here and I have to be lined up ready for class (and meditating) at 12:15. I miss all my friends and family and really wish they could be here to experience this with me. I also miss my main man/dog Roo! And Wilson, I could never forget about you. I hope everyone is doing well, you are all in my thoughts! I must go and continue the path to becoming and ascended master. I will try to post more soon. Peace!

"The truth is always one, but the ways that sentient beings may approach that truth are many." -Master Hsing Yun (founder of Fo Guang Shan)

Venerable Master Hsing Yun founded Fo Guang Shan in 1967. According to the Fo Guang Shan website, "Since then it has evolved from a mountaintop bamboo forest to the largest Buddhist monastery in Taiwan." Fo Guang Shan is an amalgamation of all eight schools of Chinese Buddhism, seeming to focus mostly on Cha'an (more commonly known as Zen) and Pure Land Buddhism. As Master Hsing Yun writes in his book, Only a Great Rain, "Though China historically produced eight major schools of Buddhism, and though these schools were quite distinct from each other at one time, it is important to understand that there is no fundamental difference between them... For this reason, modern Chinese Buddhists generally practice a mixture of techniques from two or more of the eight schools. One of the most effective forms of Buddhist practice is to mix Zen practice with Pure land Practice." As a part of the Buddhist monastic experience I will be required to adhere to the basic Buddhist ethics for living in a monastery:


     1) No taking of life

     2) No taking what is not given (i.e. no stealing)

     3) No lying

     4) No sexual activity

     5) No intoxicants

And according to the pre-departure guide they're pretty strict about these, "Breaking any of these rules will result in immediate expulsion from the program. While participants will not be required to formally take any sort of vows, the standard for the program is basically equivalent to that for monastics in training." These are the same five precepts all Buddhists take (including lay persons) with "no sexual activity" replacing "no sexual misconduct." No intoxicants includes all legal and illegal drugs (my entire Chico State education will be a waste) although tea and coffee are allowed. In conjunction with monastic tradition I will also be shaving my head. This is not a requirement of the program but as I said in a previous post I think it will help me make the transition to daily monastic life. According to buddhanet.net, "When the prince who was to become the Buddha left his palace to seek a way beyond ageing, sickness and death, it is said that one of the first things that he did was to shave off his hair and beard and put on the yellow cloth. Buddhist monks always completely shave their head and beard, showing their commitment to the Holy Life (Brahmacariya) of one gone forth into the homeless life (In India some ascetics tear out their hair, while others never touch it so that it becomes a tangled mass)." Though this will be a big change for me (because I am attached to my long locks) it's important to remember that shaving the head is not all important. A Japanese proverb reads, "Atama soru yori kokor wo sore" or "Better to shave the heart than to shave the head."

My flight departs San Diego International Airport at 8:30 pm, taking me on a one hour flight to San Francisco. After a three hour layover I will begin my 13 hour trek across the Pacific. Until then I will be watching the World Cup, eating my last non-vegetarian meals, and packing any last minute things I will need. Next time we talk I'll be on Taiwan time!! Namaste.

     

"It's like the gourmet the Chink told me about who gave up everything, traveled thousands of miles and spent his last dime to get to the highest lamasery in the Himalayas to taste the dish he'd longed for his whole life, Tibetan Peach Pie. When he got there, frostbitten, exhausted and ruined, the lamas said they were all out of peach. 'Okay,' said the gourmet, 'make it apple.'" -Jellybean Bonanza

Well, I leave tomorrow and as I write this I'm realizing I'm totally unprepared. In fact, I really don't know how I feel about going. Is it nervous excitement bubbling in my belly, or anxious fear. Or is the Buddha-mind in the heart of all preparing to blossom through my physical form in a dazzling display of chanting, prayer and meditation. Regardless, the precipice is before me, and the horse can't be stopped, and whether I fly or fall, the great chasm dividing right and wrong will be breached. Some things to keep in mind:

          -"Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds."

          -"Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth."

         -"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."
           

         -"Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the single candle              will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared."

Well that's it for the Buddha quotes, I'm off to American sleep for the last time for a while... Tomorrow I will research and post some fundamentals of Buddhism to enlighten you readers as well as myself. Peace!

“Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle.” -Lewis Carroll 

“There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.” - Aldous Huxley


The time has almost come for me to depart on an epic journey, spanning the globe and the depths of myself. I am truly blessed to be able to participate in the 2014 Fo Guang Buddhist Monastic Retreat where I will live like a buddhist monk for one month. The program takes place June 26th through July 24th at Fo Guang Shan Temple in Kaohsiung, Taiwan. I would like to take this time to thank both of my parents, Chico State University, and everyone involved at Fo Guang Shan for making this a possibility. I would also like to send the deepest regards and respect to Professor Jason Clower (and his Shi Tzu Snoot) for not only encouraging me to apply (and being there for support every step of the way) but also for writing me an awesome letter of recommendation that I'm sure got me in! Now to the fun stuff, the retreat is designed to mimic the schedule and lifestyle of a Chan Buddhist monk, culminating in a four day youth seminar designed to facilitate communication between young Buddhists as well as three days of traveling Taiwan, seeing the sights and staying at various temples along the way. The first two weeks will be spent introducing students to the monastic lifestyle consisting mostly of vegetarian meals (yum), meditation, community service, evening chanting (awesome!), and classes about Buddhist preachings and monastic activities. After this intensive two weeks we will put the practice to the test in a one week silent meditation retreat. I am not sure if this means total silence, or just periods of elongated silence but either way I am excited to have a week to practice meditation and expand my thoughts. I've heard there is a bit of an "intensity factor" which includes the switch to vegetarian meals and waking up at 5:30 am. The vegetarian meals will be easy as I have eaten vegetarian off and on for the last couple of years but the 5:30 wake up call will be a bit of a learning curve. I am all set to arrive by plane then train then shuttle the morning of the 25th where I will find my lodging and get acquainted with the sacred spaces I will be calling home for the next month. Now to answer the BIG question I keep getting asked, yes I will be shaving my head. This is not a requirement of the program but something I think will help propel me into my new environment. In other words when I go under the razor, I will (in a sense) be shedding my personal, social and societal identity and become something new. I will try to update this blog with words, images and love as often as I can. Laugh with me as I travel across the globe to travel inwards to my deepest self. If you have any questions feel free to leave them in the comments and I will answer them in my next post or check out https://www.fgs.org.tw/events/fgmonasticretreat/ for more information including the schedule we will be following. Infinite love!